Excerpt from my play

Less Than The Number Three
(The following scene takes place after GIRMA & SAMRAWIT had a fight the night before)

 

GIRMA: So I see this big guy on the subway a few weeks ago right? He's reading this book. It's titled, no joke, 'Lol, Life! WTF?'

SAMRAWIT: No kidding.

GIRMA: Now it's rush hour, it's packed, we're in the corner, he's by the pole close to where I'm sitting, my face is right under him and he's reading a book literally called 'Lol, Life! WTF?' I'm not making this up. On the cover it actually says one of last year's New York Times Bestseller like one of those Deepak Chopra books you have over there.

SAMRAWIT: That reminds me, you can have my bookshelf. I'm not taking it.

GIRMA: What about your books?

SAMRAWIT: I'm taking those with me.

GIRMA: Good.

SAMRAWIT: None taken.

GIRMA: What?

SAMRAWIT: You offended me so I said none taken.

GIRMA: How?

SAMRAWIT: Just now with your contempt.

GIRMA: That was not contempt.

SAMRAWIT: Sure.

GIRMA: You make it sound like I'm out to make you feel bad all the time.

SAMRAWIT: You're always laughing at me in front of my friends. What do you call that?

GIRMA: That's just me teasing you.

SAMRAWIT: Teasing is when you do it out of love. When you do it out of contempt, it's called cruelty.

GIRMA: Well, I'm sorry for letting motivational speakers ruin my social skills.

SAMRAWIT: Which is why you're going to die alone.

GIRMA: And that's not a cruel thing to say?

SAMRAWIT: I'm sorry, I was just teasing you.

GIRMA: Anyway, so/I'm watching this guy on the subway--

SAMRAWIT: Please go to work.

GIRMA: I'm not going to work.

SAMRAWIT: Why not?

GIRMA: Thought you had class?

SAMRAWIT: I do. But I can't go to class and move-out at the same time.

GIRMA: Well, packing was your idea. You can leave your things here as long as you want. You just can't stay here. Unless you can ask me nicely that is.

SAMRAWIT: Can you leave? I'd like you to leave. Why aren't you at work?

GIRMA: I'm not going.

SAMRAWIT: Why?

GIRMA: I don't feel like going out.

SAMRAWIT: Really?

GIRMA: I can't even stay at my own place now?

SAMRAWIT: You drag me out for coffee all the time and today you feel like staying in.

GIRMA: We always go out because you hate staying in.

SAMRAWIT: (more to herself) Not when I have a cold.

GIRMA: Cold never stopped you before.

SAMRAWIT: Because you're always dragging me out! Just leave!

GIRMA: No.

SAMRAWIT: You're making me feel like I'm gonna steal something.

GIRMA: Are you?

SAMRAWIT: Wow.

GIRMA: I was joking.

 

SAMRAWIT: Your jokes have an aftertaste.

 

GIRMA: Or you can't take a joke.

 

SAMRAWIT: Okay, I get it now. You're here to make fun of me.

 

GIRMA: That's immature. I don't do that.

 

SAMRAWIT: The same way you don't drag people outside when they're coughing half to death.

 

GIRMA: Oh.That time.

 

SAMRAWIT: Yes that time.

 

GIRMA: That was different. I was doing you a favor.

 

SAMRAWIT: It was snowing!

 

GIRMA: You were all depressed and suicidal! I had to get you out of here.

 

SAMRAWIT: I was not suicidal, I had a cold and your best idea was to take me outside?!

GIRMA: For something hot!!

SAMRAWIT: Whatever!

 

GIRMA: No! Not whatever! I refuse to accept that as an answer from now on! Whatever! What-everrrrrrr, oh my God! Whatevs! It's nonsense! The whole world may give in to the logic behind what I can only imagine to be some form of terminal syntax disease but I will NOT! Because it doesn't make any sense! And if we're not making sense as people, we might as well be dead! God! I can't stand it when you get like this!(pause) Anyway, like I was saying, this/guy on the subway is reading this-

SAMRAWIT: Seriously?

GIRMA: What?

 

SAMRAWIT: You're just gonna... continue. Like nothing even happened.

GIRMA: What happened?

SAMRAWIT: Nothing.

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